I feel horrid that i never went through with this. I kind of miss the online blogging and telling all my friends what i'm doing with my life. Hays, you're a good friend. I'm glad i get to see you tomorrow. Lately i've been awfully busy.. working 5 days a week, teaching guitar lessons, taking school classes for summer. I feel like everything is just killing time until August 6th, which is the day me and my best friends go to Ybor City for the night. I'm SO excited :). It'll be my third time going, and this time Zack and Mike Lewis are going. I haven't caught up my blog.. ever. I dont know if it's worth it at this point.
Zachary David Cook (Zacky C). You are probably the most loyal friend i have. I know if anything ever goes wrong in my life, or your life, we always have each other to turn to. You're the best man! I'm so happy when you come to town i get o see you. I'm sorry i get semi obsessive about stuff, but you can deal with it and you accept me. Thanks man. If it wasn't for you... i wouldn't play guitar. I wouldn't listen to rock music. I wouldn't have one of the best friends someone could ask for. You're a great person to just talk to. and get along with. Thanks, i'm glad i can count on you for all my life.
Mike Lewis! You're one of my recently new best friends, but i'm glad you're in the gang. We play pokemon together, and other things of the sort. You let me live on your couch for a month+ and i think thats fucking amazing. I'm glad that our friendship has grown. There are points where i'm scared you dont like me again... but everything seems to work out.
Stephen Giuffrida. Thanks Viper. You're a really great friend. you're always down to earth about life.. and i know i can talk to you about stuff. That night we went out and smoke cigars and talked about every best friend we've ever had was one of the most life changing nights i have ever had. i'm sorry if i've ever hurt your feelings before.. and next year is going to be great when we live together. SwampNigga crew!
Mauricio. Dude.... maurice. You're a great guy. I dont know what it is about you, but something about you is just fun. You're a genuinely good guy and youre a great boyfriend. Christine totally digs you. Even though you may only hangout with me for like, 15 minutes before you go see her.. you still spend that 15 minutes with me.. and i like that. You're a good wingman. Ybor is going to be fun man..
Jose Fig! Jose... you're also a new addition to my best friends circle. you're a great guy. i'm happy to have you in my friendship circle. I enjoy your sandwiches.. and you're down to earth to talk to. LOS LINKS!
Timothy TJ Shaffer. Dude.. i miss you. I haven't heard from you in god knows how long. When you came down here during my freshman year you told me "Ryan, i dont see us being friends when we're adults" and thats probably the dickist thing one of my best friends could ever say to me. But... i know you're being honest. So i'm not offended. T, i'm glad you were there for me through my life and most necessary checkpoints in becoming who i am today.
Garret Ortino. You're literally my boy. I don't see you as often or talk as often as we used to.. and i'm sure you want to hangout.. but i understand that your girlfriend, lack of phone, poker, and probably a 4th thing are keeping you pretty occupied. I'm glad to say i've known you for as long as i can remember... even though my memory is fucked to shit so i dont remember much. I look back and read alot of these past blogs and i dont remember them. I actually liked my Dad in these...
Man.. things do change. I mean... i used to hate people who drink. Now i am one. and i fucking party all the time. I'm banging my ex.. who is still dating my friend. I'm going to full sail in april... after spring semester. Musical Performance is my major and i really hope it works out. If not i dont have a backup plan. I'm at a loss for words.
I just want to dance the night away in ybor. i want to throw on my trench coat, let my bare chest show off to the world, and i want to rock that goth club hard as can be. sigh
I wish things were easy in life. I'm sick of working nonstop. If i had some goddamned worth ethic i could fucking afford things. but i hate working. I'd rather do nothing all day.
Oh! fun fact for anyone who reads this. I now professionally play Super Smash Bros Brawl and go around Florida playing by the Gamer name "Mink". It makes me feel cool. I play as Jigglypuff, Zero suit Samus and Peach.
Well. I hope one day someone reads this. Maybe ill start writing again. i need to write in my journal. that ones has been too long. i dont have the self motivation to do alot with my life, including sleep. i stumbled across my old blog via google-ing myself.. and it led me to this. i told myself i would sleep at 2am. Man, did things change. Well....
Goodnight everyone, Hays, Me. I hope one day someone google's themselves and finds there name in the above format... so they know they are my friends.
--Ryan mink Kane
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I'm back to put it in motion, i'm back tp put it in drive.
Well, I haven't been doing this blog lately.
I think it's because I'm too lazy to do it.
I'll try to remember to do it more often.
Currently, my recent claims of having no way to recover in bio still stand.
I'm failing it hard. Hard.
I need to recover my grade in religion.
I don't really know what else to say, heh.
I'm sorry to let everyone down.
I have been playing guitar about 6 hours more than i should be.
which is about 8 hours a day.
:-\.
I have also gotten caught onto the Zelda: Twilight Princess path lately. I started it a few weeks ago and i'm trying to beat it haha.
FRIDAYS the Avenged Sevenfold and Atreyu Concert.
GOD i'm excited.
Haha :D.
like, 8 days till the end of the semester. I'm excited and nervous.
Though i have been really confused whether i want to bring my Acoustic or my Electric to NJ this Xmas.
Decisions decisions.
My acoustic is better for outdoor events and what not.
But of course, My electric has more frets and i can work on my fingerwork.
Ugh, decisions decisions.
I'm thirsty.
End Log
-Ryan-
I think it's because I'm too lazy to do it.
I'll try to remember to do it more often.
Currently, my recent claims of having no way to recover in bio still stand.
I'm failing it hard. Hard.
I need to recover my grade in religion.
I don't really know what else to say, heh.
I'm sorry to let everyone down.
I have been playing guitar about 6 hours more than i should be.
which is about 8 hours a day.
:-\.
I have also gotten caught onto the Zelda: Twilight Princess path lately. I started it a few weeks ago and i'm trying to beat it haha.
FRIDAYS the Avenged Sevenfold and Atreyu Concert.
GOD i'm excited.
Haha :D.
like, 8 days till the end of the semester. I'm excited and nervous.
Though i have been really confused whether i want to bring my Acoustic or my Electric to NJ this Xmas.
Decisions decisions.
My acoustic is better for outdoor events and what not.
But of course, My electric has more frets and i can work on my fingerwork.
Ugh, decisions decisions.
I'm thirsty.
End Log
-Ryan-
Friday, November 7, 2008
My Story Of The Year (Poem)
I’m holding on to what is gone
For some reason my heart won’t let you go.
I guess it’s too bad that everything we have is taken away.
I can still feel the scratches down my spine when my mind crosses your face.
You’ll never know. You’ll never know.
My heart bleeds for your name; I can feel the blood shoot out of every vein.
But, until the day I die, I’ll spill my heart for you.
My empty promises seemed to never change.
I know that and I’m sorry. This is the moment I live for.
My open wounds bleed, my veins run dry. Creating a wave of emotions
I had never known I had felt for you. At night I lay in bed and think
“Why did I let her go.” As my eyes are shut my hands are shaking but my body lies perfectly still.
Every night, I’m determined to let myself sink down.
Down to a place that is my subconscious where I spend hours upon hours dancing in your arms.
The same way you did in my arms what seems like such a long time ago.
The night we danced the night away and our lips were one.
I had something better waiting ahead but I didn’t care my mind was infatuated with lust.
From the sidewalks, running away from the streets we knew I wanted to take you in my arms and keep
You forever. I was too nervous.
My veins continue to dry and I wish the tide would swallow every inch of this city.
I hold this token of your love in my arms as I sleep and pray for night to start over again.
Words are spoken and broken down. Let’s make this night be our last mistake! And let’s
Take the time to wipe the blood away!
With each gasp of air I swallow the knife. Just come find me and hold me
Hold me in your arms and I’ll return the favor just like we always do. Just like we always do.
Without you I am left in the shadows and I am screaming in the night and in my nightmares
“WHAT’S LEFT OF ME!?”
I’m slowly falling into insanity.
Can you hear me crying out the anthem of my dying day?
Within my words are the songs that run through my mind every night screaming these words in my ears
because they were familiar to us. When we would love one another these lyrics would flow through us.
Together we would walk down the sidewalks of Page Avenue.
Those streets mean the world to me. I know you probably think you watched the hero drown.
No one else will be able to come and save you.
But I want you to be aware that
I.
Want.
To.
Save.
You.
With every inch of my being. Even if you don’t feel you need it, it’s my duty to fly to your safety.
But I know that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
I’ve tried to run to you and I keep falling down and tripping over myself.
By my own design I fall and I lay face first in the sand with the wreckage of ships that have lost
Their way. So I hold my breath and dive right in.
I would say that “She can’t sleep. She can’t sleep at all”. But my communications to you fail.
I can tell you that I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep at all.
I lay thinking of what would have been done and I come to the conclusion it’s all over.
My words disappear before your eyes as you read my thoughts, and I’ve run out of things to offer.
So, this is a gift. I hope you know this is for you. It’s all for you. My life means nothing without you.
Even as a friend by my side.
Just tell me I’m wrong and I’m not holding on to what is gone
But instead I am reaching out to what is willing.
Tell me you feel something too.
Tell me you want me to save you.
Tell me that you’ll patch my bleeding heart.
Tell me you miss me.
Tell me you care about me.
Tell me you’ll dance the night away.
For some reason my heart won’t let you go.
I guess it’s too bad that everything we have is taken away.
I can still feel the scratches down my spine when my mind crosses your face.
You’ll never know. You’ll never know.
My heart bleeds for your name; I can feel the blood shoot out of every vein.
But, until the day I die, I’ll spill my heart for you.
My empty promises seemed to never change.
I know that and I’m sorry. This is the moment I live for.
My open wounds bleed, my veins run dry. Creating a wave of emotions
I had never known I had felt for you. At night I lay in bed and think
“Why did I let her go.” As my eyes are shut my hands are shaking but my body lies perfectly still.
Every night, I’m determined to let myself sink down.
Down to a place that is my subconscious where I spend hours upon hours dancing in your arms.
The same way you did in my arms what seems like such a long time ago.
The night we danced the night away and our lips were one.
I had something better waiting ahead but I didn’t care my mind was infatuated with lust.
From the sidewalks, running away from the streets we knew I wanted to take you in my arms and keep
You forever. I was too nervous.
My veins continue to dry and I wish the tide would swallow every inch of this city.
I hold this token of your love in my arms as I sleep and pray for night to start over again.
Words are spoken and broken down. Let’s make this night be our last mistake! And let’s
Take the time to wipe the blood away!
With each gasp of air I swallow the knife. Just come find me and hold me
Hold me in your arms and I’ll return the favor just like we always do. Just like we always do.
Without you I am left in the shadows and I am screaming in the night and in my nightmares
“WHAT’S LEFT OF ME!?”
I’m slowly falling into insanity.
Can you hear me crying out the anthem of my dying day?
Within my words are the songs that run through my mind every night screaming these words in my ears
because they were familiar to us. When we would love one another these lyrics would flow through us.
Together we would walk down the sidewalks of Page Avenue.
Those streets mean the world to me. I know you probably think you watched the hero drown.
No one else will be able to come and save you.
But I want you to be aware that
I.
Want.
To.
Save.
You.
With every inch of my being. Even if you don’t feel you need it, it’s my duty to fly to your safety.
But I know that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
I’ve tried to run to you and I keep falling down and tripping over myself.
By my own design I fall and I lay face first in the sand with the wreckage of ships that have lost
Their way. So I hold my breath and dive right in.
I would say that “She can’t sleep. She can’t sleep at all”. But my communications to you fail.
I can tell you that I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep at all.
I lay thinking of what would have been done and I come to the conclusion it’s all over.
My words disappear before your eyes as you read my thoughts, and I’ve run out of things to offer.
So, this is a gift. I hope you know this is for you. It’s all for you. My life means nothing without you.
Even as a friend by my side.
Just tell me I’m wrong and I’m not holding on to what is gone
But instead I am reaching out to what is willing.
Tell me you feel something too.
Tell me you want me to save you.
Tell me that you’ll patch my bleeding heart.
Tell me you miss me.
Tell me you care about me.
Tell me you’ll dance the night away.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Come Break Me Down
Gah. The fact i keep skipping over my blogging and i hate it. So i apologize for my sporadic entries. Well, the recent days have been kind of shifty, really all i've been doing is playing guitar and doing homework. But mainly guitar, which is a problem. I need to raise my Bio grade really badly because i can't afford dropping the class. We've had 2 of our 5 exams in the class, and the first two are ridiculously hard so i believe i can make my come back. I hope.
I'm not really sure what to say.
Lately i've been thinking alot about Melissa. I think i really like her which is bad because she hates me. She has a boyfriend too, so i' m thinking it's probably just because i can't have her that i feel that way. I don't know. She actually threatened to change her number if i texted her again. So i took her number out of my phone so i wouldn't be tempted. She deleted me from Myspace so i really don't have a way to reach her. Maybe it's for the best?
Besides that i've been playing Dance Dance Revolution and eating Ramen noodles. I lost a Guitar Hero Tournament over the weekend which helped drain my bank account even more. I need to think of an easy way to make some money without selling drugs.
Or getting a job. And i'm running out of things to sell on Ebay haha. GR! I better get my Xbox 360 today in the mail....
It red-ringed 2/3 weeks ago and i sent it to the company to get fixed. It says on there site as of like, Thursday that it was being shipped back to me. Guitar Hero 4 comes out this Sunday so i can only hope and pray that it arrives here. I'm overly excited for that game. It's going to be so pro!
Sunday morning Me and Mauricio are running out to Gamestop where i have my reservation and were going to get the game come back to my house and with the help of Conway and Aaron were going to 5 star the game. IT's cool cause we get to customize our guitars and persons which will be PROOOO.
When i finally make my own song on that game.. It's going to be so in depth. I have it all planned out. You know why?
I'm a loser and i know it. But, i'm okay with that. Haha. November 15th is the date of the Guitar Hero tournament i'm going to next so i need to practice. the winner gets 1000$ cash and 2nd gets 250$.
Even if i can nail second i'll be pretty happy. Speaking of Nail, i think i'm having Vikkie hang out with me within the next two weeks which should be pretty cool.
Ugh.
My life is boring. I was hoping it was near the end of class by now, but it's only 23 minutes in.
Peace out!
End Log
-Ryan
I'm not really sure what to say.
Lately i've been thinking alot about Melissa. I think i really like her which is bad because she hates me. She has a boyfriend too, so i' m thinking it's probably just because i can't have her that i feel that way. I don't know. She actually threatened to change her number if i texted her again. So i took her number out of my phone so i wouldn't be tempted. She deleted me from Myspace so i really don't have a way to reach her. Maybe it's for the best?
Besides that i've been playing Dance Dance Revolution and eating Ramen noodles. I lost a Guitar Hero Tournament over the weekend which helped drain my bank account even more. I need to think of an easy way to make some money without selling drugs.
Or getting a job. And i'm running out of things to sell on Ebay haha. GR! I better get my Xbox 360 today in the mail....
It red-ringed 2/3 weeks ago and i sent it to the company to get fixed. It says on there site as of like, Thursday that it was being shipped back to me. Guitar Hero 4 comes out this Sunday so i can only hope and pray that it arrives here. I'm overly excited for that game. It's going to be so pro!
Sunday morning Me and Mauricio are running out to Gamestop where i have my reservation and were going to get the game come back to my house and with the help of Conway and Aaron were going to 5 star the game. IT's cool cause we get to customize our guitars and persons which will be PROOOO.
When i finally make my own song on that game.. It's going to be so in depth. I have it all planned out. You know why?
I'm a loser and i know it. But, i'm okay with that. Haha. November 15th is the date of the Guitar Hero tournament i'm going to next so i need to practice. the winner gets 1000$ cash and 2nd gets 250$.
Even if i can nail second i'll be pretty happy. Speaking of Nail, i think i'm having Vikkie hang out with me within the next two weeks which should be pretty cool.
Ugh.
My life is boring. I was hoping it was near the end of class by now, but it's only 23 minutes in.
Peace out!
End Log
-Ryan
Friday, October 10, 2008
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